Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Courtship vs. Dating Part II

My last post I spoke about dating and what it is. In this post I will begin my subject of courtship. Courtship is an "old-fashioned" term as my sister-in-law put it. She is right. You do not find many couples at all these days that practice this thing of courtship. When I've asked some people what they think courtship is they say it is just like dating only the people goes to church together or to eat or things like that. They don't go to clubs or anywhere that couples go dating at. Well...couples that court do go to church together but they go with the accompaniment of one of the sets of parents. As I said in my last post...the couple is never left alone at any point in order to give place to the devil to tempt the couple to engage in anything that the Lord would not be pleased with.

People will say...where is courtship in the Bible. Well...God does not come right out and say "courtship is done this way or that way". He does give us some guidelines however to go by. God tells us in His Word to "have no confidence in the flesh". That means we cannot trust our flesh. Our flesh will lead us astray. He also tells us in I Corinthians 7:1 " is good for a man not to touch a woman". There is a reason why God says this. For a man to touch a woman before marriage can and will arouse certain physical feelings that can and will lead to fornication. Fornication is a sin. Galatians 5:19 "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness", and I Thessalonians 4:3 "For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:". When the flesh is aroused...fornication is usually the end result. So in order to abstain from being tempted to commit fornication it is wise to never find yourself alone with your courting partner. To be alone with them is not to be courting but to be dating.

I cannot tell you enough about how the flesh will get a couple into trouble. I know first-hand how it can get a couple into trouble.

How both sets of parents are handling things with the courtship of OUR children is we are not letting them even shake hands. You might ask..."Did they shake hands before their courtship began?" Yes, they did. But they weren't boyfriend and girlfriend then. Now they are and we want to obey the Scriptures to the fullest and not give place to feelings of the flesh that might cause them to be tempted to sin even in their heart. We want them to keep their thoughts about one another clean and pure. After talking to my son's girlfriend she agreed that even a handshake could cause feelings to be aroused that they ought not be feeling till their wedding night. If we are guilty of carrying this courtship (as some would say) a little too far...then so be it. Our desire and the desire of our children is to honor the Lord in this courtship. We also enforce a 6" rule (at least...could be more than that) when they sit together whether at church or in either of the homes. Why 6" you might they won't touch when moving around or shifting around. There is to be NO touching at all. Their first touch will be on their wedding day when Jessica's dad places her hand in Ronnie's at the wedding altar. That is also when their first kiss will take place after they are pronounced husband and wife. These things are things that Ronnie and Jessica will look back on after they are married and say they are glad they did. I would love to say that my relationship with my husband had been handled this way. But it wasn't. I didn't know the Lord then nor did I know how He wants things to be handled. Now that I know...I want to be obedient in doing things His way with my children.

I think I have explained the touching subject the best I know how in this post. I will be going through some of the things that we are expecting from our son and Jessica in the next post(s). I will also go about how courtship is to be done by the man in the courtship in how he goes about courting the prospective lady. There is a lot of prayer involved before and during the courtship. So be sure to read the following post(s) as I attempt to explain this issue of courtship.

Some think courtship sounds boring and dull. I can tell you that we have been very excited about this and my son and Jessica are having a ball. So don't let the devil throw you a bunch of lies about it. He likes dating because it ruins lives!! Courtship can too if not handled right. But when it is handled God's way it can and will be a blessing.


Anonymous said...

So ... when they become engaged, they can't hug in celebration? I'm sorry, but that's just awful.

Sis. Julie said... they cannot touch at all. The Bible says it is good for a man NOT to touch a woman. That means no touching...for any reason. The Bible means what it says and says what it means.

Anonymous said...

Another question for you ... and this is because I'm curious, not because I don't get/don't agree with the concept of courtship. It's possible you address this somewhere else and I just didn't see it. What Bible translation do you use, and does that have any effect on your interpretation (for lack of a better word on my part) of I Corinthians 7:1? It seems that some would translate "touch" as sexual intercourse only while others would translate it literally as any sort of touching. I guess I'm just curious how you came to your belief of what that passage means.

And, sorry for the anonymous, I tend to forget that I don't have a blogger account and I cruise through the commenting on autopilot.


Sis. Julie said...


First I'd like to thank you for reading these posts on Courtship vs. Dating. I hope they have been helpful and informative. I also want to thank you for your comments. I do not mind people asking questions to make things more clear or trying to get more info on the subjects they are commenting on.

First of all I'd like to answer your question as to what Bible I use. I use the King James Bible. It is the "true" Word of God for the English speaking people. All other "versions" are taken from the King James Bible and are changed in their context and have added or taken away words from it which according to Revelation 22:18-19 is a very serious matter.

As for the verse you are questioning (I Cor. 7:1)...the word touch in the Greek is haptomai which means to attach oneself to, i.e. touch. In the Webster's Dictionary touch is defined as "to be, or to come in contact with to strike or handle, gently or slightly." Touch is a pretty self-explanatory word. It means to touch. So therefore, touch means even the shaking of hands. I know that personally when my husband and I were dating that even the simplist or slightest of touching arroused certain feelings and hormones that turned into more than just a touch. My husband and I know the feelings that are involved when two people "have feelings for one another" and it is hard to resist the flesh in those situations. And we know that God knows us better than we know ourselves. So we take it as God is saying NO TOUCHING at all. This is not a popular belief but I know many couples or parents of couples that have done or are doing the courtship way and they all agree that there should be no touching. It protects the couple that are courting. And I know that some would say that how could anything happen if they are never alone...if those feelings get arroused while in front of someone it might open up opportunity for them to "sneak" sometime just to get to experience or act on those feelings. Believe me...I have been there and I know the opportunities that lie in wait for couples who want to get alone to do something they shouldn't.

I hope this helps you. Please feel free to ask more questions if you have any and I'll do my best with the help of the Lord to answer them.


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